He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
