On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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