he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
