we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
