he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
COCAINE IS GR8
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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