I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
