One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
