I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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