So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wear drunk well.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
