I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
