I looked at my own cervix.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
