It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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