I want to have your abortion
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
