Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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