WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
