I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
