so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
