you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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