he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
