so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
