Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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