how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You took a bar mat shot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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