GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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