But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
