hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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