He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
