im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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