Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
