She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
