covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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