you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everyone says I win the strip club
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
