I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
