just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
