I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
