Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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