I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
