And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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