Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
