So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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