Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
