I cockslap morals
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
