im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
