I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
