Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Vodka?
Forever.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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