I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
