My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
