So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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