I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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