Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
