I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
