I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
