Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
