there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
